And now the hardship part of this story...........

well as you know in this world not many people could accept the truth . 

Truth about life 

Truth about love 

Truth about their emotions 

Practically the truth about 

ANYTHING

HOWEVER  worst case scenario I am the kind of person who love to be straightforward . I sometimes just can' t deal with this round about thing . Going round and round and round pushing here and there . It sucks 

so ya sometime actually not sometimes .....most of the time i act like an idiotic bitch, telling people stuff right in their face . And of course many many people hate it so much. They go like "that bitch can she shut her fucking big mouth up " . but I did not meant any of those things. I always thought telling the truth means you care about them , I thought lying is definitely not a good thing. So the best is to tell the truth. I just wanted the best outcome  on things so whats the point of lying ? Like why lie ? why ? why? WHY?  . 

I was also quite a strong cold hearted girl. When people start telling me my flaws , my bad side , whatever issue just to get back at me , I took it as good thing . I was grateful when the told me about my flaws. I did not felt offended. I genuinely thought they wanted me to change for the better. And when I finally realized that not everyone could accept the ugly truth .........It was too late I had hit a rough patch hard 

I lost many friends because of that. MANY, MANY people hated me. As a result half of my high school years sucked so badly . I went in to a deep depression. I hid from everyone else. I had a bad relationship with my parents . I pushed everyone away. And while looking up on the Internet I figure out why not get skinny, maybe when people saw the new skinny me they would like me more. Because of that I slowly developed an eating disorder . Counting calories was everything , not touching food , exercising excessive on an empty stomach , the feeling of hunger makes me happy, flat stomach and bones were everything 

Thank god every cloud has a sliver lining , I manage to pull myself out from that miserable hell hole, Thing have gone quite well , not all good but quite well . I do hope no one would have to go through tortures like this . However for those who have , it  makes us stronger 

so no worries girl we all will and definitely be strong then ever LEGGO to a new day :))

huh....... so here it goes

I have experience many I meant like many new thing this year. Many new feelings , thoughts , emotions. Its just all over the place. Sometimes I just kenot arrrgghhhh.

so lets talk about the good part first. Imma need some positive energy here please. 

Okay one of the best thing that happened to me this year 2015 is that I joined the cheer team . No regrets at all man . Well its is actually my bucket list . As a child I always looked over my high school , I saw those girls looking so positive , so confident, the girl power aura was just so strong . I t made me promise myself that I need to one of those girls. But  then puberty struck in pretty hard on me . I became like super tomboy . its like from "Hi", "Hello" to ' Yo Dude What up . Its from pretty little dress and skirt to all day err day pants and t shirt 

so yup that bucket list just disappeared like that POFF  gone . I really really regretted like hell and again I kenot

but when my uni life came I made a vow that I WILL I WILL I WILL join the cheer team just to full fill my bucket list , its a must , I DON'T CARE JUST DO IT. I told myself to implement this code always 

I DID IT  , I made it in the team and joined the ACIC cheer competition . It was one of the best experience . I have not only just tick out something from my bucket list , I have also gain knowledge on how teamwork really works in a sport , self discipline ,sacrifice , time management , studies a whole tone of new shit . HAHAHHAA good thing but ya you have to go through shits in order to understand all this easy but difficult to implement terms . Although we did not win cause ya we are kinda a rookie group , but recalling those wonderful shitty moments that I have gone through , I would not trade it for the WORLD 

my cheer logo 

my small but yet wonderful cheer team <3

cheer card 

 cheer bow 

this is just a small glimpse of my very very wonderful memories with my cheer mates . Okay I am not in a very very good mood I am kinda recalling this memories now in my head lol I know right kikikiki. I will continue next time on other thing that I am facing right now . Really glad that I have a outlet to let out my feelings so grateful